June 17, 2010

Sigh of Relief

My friend's son made it through his surgery yesterday and had a good night last night.

I feel myself sigh in relief, almost as though I have been holding my breath for the few months I have known about the surgery. I trust the Lord with his life, but you and I both know that the Lord's ways are not my ways. Even though I trust Him completely, I am never sure how He will work all things out. For now, I sigh a huge sigh of relief because so far, this thing is working out in a way that I am comfortable with...

The only trouble is I only sigh as I exhale, because I again feel like holding my breath as I trust and wait for the total end result for my friend and her son.

Sometimes life is like this (OK, for me it can be more often than I would like to confess). I breathe out and and am totally thankful for the step the Lord just lead me through, only to inhale and hold my breath again for the next step... Am I the only one who struggles with this? I bet not.

The Word is so clear that we all are walking through a very imperfect life.
Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people.

Some times life has no rhyme or reason to it.

I have learned over and over that the times when life is the least clear are the times in life that I grow the most in my Christian walk.

Now, I did not say that these are the times I enjoy the most, but they definitely reveal exactly what I am made of and my utter dependency on the living God to get me through. It is in these "foggy hours" that I can see the reality of my truth: I actually am never in control.
When life is acceptable by my standards, I forget that I am not the master of my own universe and I might actually take credit for a "job well done". Ugh.

Life is backwards. When things are going great I can be the most blind. When all heck breaks loose and I cannot see where I am going or how I will take my next breath I can see the most clearly...

I need Jesus. I need His love, comfort, guidance, support, rebuke, teaching, leading, protection, friendship and anything else He extends to me. He is truly the God of all creation and is the One who walks through life with me. He never leaves me, never forsakes me. When I am too weak to walk (just like that old poem "footsteps" says)  He carries me.

I cannot always feel Him. I cannot always hear His voice. I cannot always see the evidence that He is there... But He is always there... So I breathe. One breath at a time.

Sometimes I am enjoying life so much that, like my heart beat, I give my breath not even a second thought.
Other times, I feel like I am gasping for breath and utterly lost with out medical assistance to breathe in and breathe out.

This morning I am aware of my need for air as I pray for my friend, her son, and her family. I breathe in and out thankful not only for my own breath, but for her son's breath as well...

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