December 25, 2010

When I was alone and miserable You loved me.
When I was cruel and unkind, You loved me.
When I was lost and rejected, You loved me.
When I was arrogant and proud, You loved me.
When I was judgemental and callous, You loved me.

Thank You Lord for coming to this earth to save me. You could have left me to my own devises and allowed me to slip away forever, but You really did love me. You pursued me and wooed my heart. You showed me what real love is. You have never left my side, You guide me everyday.

I pray You are worshipped today and celebrated with all the Glory and Honor that is fitting for You my King. Happy Birthday Jesus.

December 23, 2010

Monkey Hugs

My little Stephen is on my heart a lot lately. I am very aware that he is growing up way too quickly. He has the most infectious little grin and can get into trouble fast than you can say "Go!" but there is another talent he possesses. The Monkey Hug.
With all his heart and soul he gently climbs up into you arms and rests his chin in your neck, warmly surrounding you with both his arms and legs... he simply rests here. It is the most amazing feeling to be loved and trusted this much. I dread the day he is to "big".

I read the other day that love is always passionate. Stephen knows this without ever having reading the little devotional that I did. Each and every day, he simply expresses his love.
I wonder what the rest of the relationships in my life would be like if I took the same 30-60 seconds each day to express an undeniable message that I trust, love and respect them? I am ashamed to admit that days can go by while I quietly take my loved ones for granted. Although you cannot hug everyone the way a 5 year old can, there are definitely ways to express the same message... It doesn't take but a moment, but in that moment... everything changes. I am looking for the chance to make that change.

December 20, 2010

Prayer

I think about praying a lot more than I actually pray. Why is that?
I have seen and felt the power of prayer in action and I would never deny the truth that God is alive and answers prayer. So why don't I pray more? Why do I entertain the complaints or anxieties of my heart without breaking out into a sprint to the throne of grace?

December 17, 2010

My Friend

I know someone who I will call "a friend". I love this person dearly.
This person is permanently grumpy. Complains every time they speak, and hardly smiles. Honestly they live a miserable life. Everything that happens to them is a problem. Everyone is out to get them. Nothing ever goes their way. Ugh. The air becomes thick and dark around them.

I know another "Friend". I too love Him dearly.
This One is eternally content. He prays about absolutely everything He sees. His eyes are shining like the sun and His countenance radiates joy. Honestly, He lives a victorious life. Everything that happens around Him is by design. Like my other friend He know everyone is out to get Him: either for good or bad. Everything goes His way. The air around His very name is filled with light.

I think I should introduce my friends to each other...

December 15, 2010

I missed you

There are few things that calm my spirit.
Worshipping the Lord with a pure heart. Peeling an orange in a warm patch of sun. Writing what's on my heart.
Its been months since I blogged. I have missed it. I know that if I never wrote another word it would not affect hardly a soul on this planet, except of course mine. I only think straight when I write. I only can get to the root of my life and the things that bless or bug me by writing it out... So here I am again... wanting to pour out my heart, wanting to think straight again. Meet me here Lord.

December 14, 2010

In About 300 Years

ME, "Stephen, how long will it take you to obey and settle down?"
Stephen, "About 300 hundred years..."

Ahhh, the joys of parenting.
The perennial struggle between 'my way and his way'.
I guess I can be thankful he is honest.
I can ask myself the same question though...
 "Bekki, when will you obey and settle down?"

I am constantly on the go. I am so caught up in my own to do's that I forget to stop and enjoy the family around me. I look at my growing children and struggle between the thoughts, "should I tell them I love them, or remind them that their room is a disaster"? Should I stop them and hug them, or thrown their dirty laundry in the washer right this second? Should I face book or email friends, or write my boys an encouraging note? Should I rebuke the disrespectful attitude with my own smug attitude, or should I correct in love with a brokenness and sorrow for their sin?
I don't know. Why is it that life is so filled with unimportant tasks or concerns that crowd out the ones who mean the most to us?
What should I obey? To delight in my children and remember that they are gifts from God.
How should I settle down? Stop striving to have a clean house and love my children in ways they remember while they are still under my roof... Stop acting out of arrogance and love and correct and nurture with a humble heart...

May it take me less than 300 years to get it right.

September 30, 2010

Zebra


Did you know that each and every zebra has a unique pattern of stripes, much like our own finger prints?
The brilliance of God's design is that when they bunch together they are not easy prey for their enemies.
It is the lone zebra that is the most vulnerable...

As Christian's we are like the zebra. Our strength is in numbers.
When two or more are gathered, the Lord Himself is with us.
We were never meant to battle the enemy alone!

September 9, 2010

Just Breathe

So I am in one of those places that all I can do is breathe...
I love that the Lord speaks truth and love to my spirit here in this place.
 He whispers, come...
When I do I find peace, safety, and rest.

When I do not... 
...the weight of the world seems to settle on my chest
and makes me feel as though I am gasping for breath.

We have a pastor friend who taught us in a bible class a few years back.
He said, "If God promises peace without understanding,
why is it we strive for peace by trying to understand?"

There are few things in life that can suck the very breath I need to live right out of me.
Childbirth, trauma, death, surgery, a loved one who suffers.

The beauty in that moment is that I become acutely aware of the truth that I often neglect to remember...
I am always dependent on breath from my Lord.

When life goes smoothly (from my perspective) I forget...
When the rough seas come I can do nothing BUT remember...

Today, I remember...

August 18, 2010

Truth or fiction?

So I had one of those moments last night.
Come on, you know...

You're in a new place and you are surrounded by your children. There are strangers all around that you are secretly hoping are impressed with how well you handle your 5 boys.

"Pop!" goes the bubble and you catch one of your darling children doing something embarrassingly stupid.
Yes, Stupid! There I said it.

There I was sitting with my squirming 5 year old, when I lovingly glance at my almost 7 year old.
What?
You put a tie wrap around your neck???!!!
A Tie wrap!

Do you believe the Bible is full of truth, or are you one of those people that believes its just a good read?
Me? The Bible is absolute truth, the inspired word of God...

The Bible says in Prov 22:15,
"Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child..."

Boy did God know what He was talking about or what?
Who, in there right mind puts a tie wrap around their neck?
And why on earth would they do it in public?

August 11, 2010

This is the Moment

On the day before he turned 5 my littlest was so excited he could hardly contain himself.
He put on dress pants, a shirt, and a tie and walked around with a huge grin on his face.
He could not believe he was almost 5!
The first few days of being 5 have been exciting.
He has begged me to start teaching him since his kindergarten materials are neatly being added to his little shelf for school.
Life is great. He has a lifetime in front of him and yet he fully embraces each moment.

Reminder to self:
Life is great. I only think I have a lifetime in front of me, live life to its fullest today.
Be excited to learn. Today is the day to spark my brain.
Anticipate good things, but live in the moment.
Eat on the "good" dishes, wear that dress, do my hair fancy just because, kiss my husband often, hug my children...
Be so full of the love of the Lord that I can hardly contain myself...

July 19, 2010

Rear View Mirror

I consider myself a defensive driver.
When I was 16 years old I was so freaked out by the realization that I would be responsible  for the safety and lives of others that I quit driving after my driver's ed class and gave myself a few more years to "grow up". When I was 19 years old I was finally mentally ready to face the responsibility of driving and spent $300 on personal driving lessons to prepare me for the realities of the road. I made sure I had all the right tools necessary to be as safe as possible.

One of the lessons I learned was and is to check my rear view mirror. It gives me perspective to decide if a car is too close behind me so I can adjust my course. I use this tool, like you do I am sure, to make sure I have plenty of room to stop without being rear-ended. I wish life were like this.

Sometimes I have a second to stop and look in my life's rear mirror. I had just that chance last week. My 4 year old stayed with grandpa for a few days and was a good 3 hours away. Our house was quiet and there was a lot less conflict; and a lot less life.
I look in my mirror and see my children growing up. There will be a day (very soon)  that I will look and they will not be within my view anymore. My life will be quieter and I will be too far away to see their day-to-day lives.

As  parent, I am given rear-view mirror moments when I can see the future approaching.
I have to be purposeful to live in this moment and enjoy today. I need to be careful:

"Objects are Closer than they Appear".

July 16, 2010

Can We Watch a Show?

My children ask me this question every single day. I
 usually hear it within 2 minutes of them stumbling out of bed and then every few hours throughout the day.

I am not a daytime TV watcher. I am on my feet all day (Or in this chair) pittering and pattering about my home's business. I decided a few weeks ago that I would limit my children's TV diet to just "when daddy is home". I explained this rationally to the whole crew and popped of the TV. Surprise! They have survived.

The most amazing thing to me was how much I was used to them watching during different times of the day.
First thing in the morning they would watch while I wrote.
At noon they would watch while I made lunch.
They big kids would pop on the TV whenever I got on the phone.
The house was calm and quiet.
Now my kids wake right up in the morning ready for activity. They are reading, playing, and talking more.

I realized in the first day that I had leaned on the television to quiet my children when I needed to get something done... SHAME ON ME!
I immediately panicked about the morning hour, because this is when I was writing. I quickly told myself I needed to see I had put my children on the back burner and to fix that now.

If you read my blogs, you will have noticed I haven't been writing everyday. Now you know why.
I am talking with my husband.
I am out walking with my children 1-2 a day.
I am teaching my little guy how to ride a bike.
I am decorating wagons for parades.
I am coaching a 17 year old on how to get a job.
I am reading to my children.
I am choosing special times to cozy and watch TV with my family.

Of course I am still in the withdrawal stages myself. I had set some pretty lofty goals for myself that are not possible if I am being a good wife and mom. I have a really hard time changing a goal once it is set.
Like my children I know, I will survive!

July 14, 2010

Chew with Your Mouth Closed!

So there I was, sitting at the lunch table flipping through a shoe catalog, minding my own business when I happened to look up. My almost 7 year old grinned at me from across the table. The only problem?
He had stuffed half his burrito into his mouth and half chewed food was falling from his grin. Um, GROSS!
I stared in shock, glared (as only a mom can do) and told him to quietly chew his food and tell me when he had swallowed it all. Of course I had to shoo out 3 brothers so they didn't make him laugh aloud and spew out the mouthful.
I looked back at my catalogue thinking, "I do not understand boys at all."

Ironically, I am the one with the mouthful of food today. I began writing and blogging a few months back and purposed to post a blog every day except Sunday. I would wake up and write until I had accomplished my daily goal and then go about my day.
AS I have walked through summer with my family exploring different and new areas and turning off the TV I lost the window I was writing in each day. I woke up this morning thinking about that mouthful of food.

I need to take my own advice and take a smaller bite.
I will be limiting myself to 1-2 blogs a week through the summer. Summer is free from the regular school year activities, but it is amazingly busy. I don't want to miss this time with my family because I have set a goal I cannot reach without exposing my mouthful.

Have you ever bitten off more than you can chew?

July 5, 2010

Fourth of July

The Sayler Boys won the Grand Prize
Best Entry Award for the Children's Parade



June 29, 2010

Pebbles

My husband and I snuck away to a small town along the central coastline of California this past weekend.
To say it was relaxing and wonderful would be a definitely understatement.
We enjoyed dinner, walking along a wooden boardwalk along the ocean, touring a castle, a romantic dinner overlooking the ocean, and exploring the beach.
With my first step onto the shore I was hooked. From the slope we climbed down the sand was dark; almost black. Unexpectedly as we jumped onto the beach we found ourselves giggling. We were ankle deep in beautiful pebbles!
I was mesmerized. This beach was not at all what it appeared. The stones captivated me.
The more I looked, the more beautiful they became.

I love unexpected blessings. From a distance, I can be fooled. I was confident that beach was covered in sand and stunned when I discovered it was not. This beach was not what it appeared to be.

From a distance (to some) my life seems to be made of sand: simple, plain, and even a bit boring.
Yet up close my life is overflowing with pebbles of blessing.
Varying shapes and sizes of color, depth, and beauty.
The closer I examine my own life that more amazed I am at how much evidence there is that the Lord loves me. A loving husband, beautiful and healthy children, a safe and secure home, amazing family and friends, a love for the written word, a hunger for quiet moments surrounded by creation...

My life is that beach. Until you step into it you will be sure it is sand.
Once you are here, like me, you will see I stand with my feet on the Rock.

June 25, 2010

Anticipation

There is a mysterious flower in my front yard. My neighbor tells me she planted these bulbs for the owner of our home over a year ago and that they have the most splendid blossom imaginable. I have been weeding and watering and watching as this interesting plant grows. The heads on the flowers are developed and I anticipate that any day they will begin to blossom... I can't wait!

And yet I must. These blossoms will not be rushed. They will bloom when they bloom no matter how eager I am to see them. Anticipation is exciting. The challenge for me is to enjoy the time of the hopeful waiting rather than pining away for what "will be".

Today, I anticipate a romantic weekend with my husband. We are sneaking away for a long over do time away- just the two of us. I am up early, excited and filled with the almost guilty feeling of anticipation.

This post is for me.

I see the weekend in my mind, and like this flower I am not sure what to expect. I know it will be beautiful, but I continually have to remind myself to slow down and enjoy this moment as well. This moment of wondering and waiting. This moment of loving on the boys. This moment of packing and preparing.
The weekend, like the blossom, will come for now I will choose to live in this moment.

Anticipation is good, but LIVING is better.

June 23, 2010

Haircut for Our Puppy


We sent our puppy to the groomers for the first time yesterday.
He got the works; a shampoo, blow dry, and a summer "field cut".
He is an Australian Shepherd and had developed a magnificent coat over the winter.
The only problem was that, aside from being extremely hot, his coat was a magnet for every thistle and fox tail within 10 feet of him.
So long story short, we had him shaved.

I am stunned at what the grooming did.
It revealed that under that mature looking, beautifully handsome dog there was a puppy hiding.
The puppy is awkward and even timid looking. Not at all the "adult dog" we thought we had.

I am like that in life. I wear my coats of "wife", "mother", "daughter", and "friend".
On the outside I look mature and like (at rare moments) I might even know exactly what I am doing.
But on the inside I am like our shaved puppy. I am just Bekki.
I think if I could see myself without my "coats" I would see an awkward and timid girl who clings desperately to her Lord.

I am so thankful that the Lord sees me as I really am.
He must smile when I get "dressed" each day.
When I see the puppy I am humbled.

Lord I am just like that.
Help me never forget that everything else is something I put on myself, but what really matters is what is beneath the surface.
You are not impressed with my fancy coats.
You are only interested in my heart.
I pray I never put on things that will weigh me down or draw "thorns and thistles" to my life.


June 22, 2010

A Grain of Sand

Ever feel like a grain of sand?
Small, gritty, insignificant?

Most days, that's exactly how I feel.

Don't get me wrong. I am not talking about a "poor poor pitiful me" insignificant.
On the contrary. I am one of the most blessed women to ever walk this planet.

What I mean is insignificant, gritty, and small.
If I never breathed another breath on this side of eternity... would my life have made an eternal impact on anyone?

You see, if I do not do something eternal with my life, then, I have done nothing with my life.
"Like sands through the hour glass..." my life would have had no real meaning.

I love the beach. The serenity, the beauty, the sand...
I love the feeling of warm sand on my feet. I love to walk the shoreline.
When I look at the sand I realize that anyone grain of sand make no impact on the beauty of the shore.
Rather its the collective grouping together of "like kind" that makes the beach so amazing.

Maybe like me, you wonder if your life is like a grain of sand. "Am I significant?" I wonder.
If I set my heart and eyes on the treasures of this world then I join the grains of sand on the shore. Mixed together and shaken and impossible to be distinguished from another grain.

If I set my heart and eyes on an eternity with the Lord and I share that with others, then I am making a conscious choice to be significant.
Gritty? Yes, at times I am an irritant to those around me.
Small? Yes, my life is but a vapor. I brought nothing into this world and I will take nothing of this world when I leave... So how should I live my life?
Like eternity is the only thing that matters. It is truly the only thing that will last.
Will I make some uncomfortable? Likely, although not maliciously.
I'd rather be the irritant in some one's eye that causes them to wash the sand away...
...if ...the end result is that they "see" what they have never seen.

June 17, 2010

Sigh of Relief

My friend's son made it through his surgery yesterday and had a good night last night.

I feel myself sigh in relief, almost as though I have been holding my breath for the few months I have known about the surgery. I trust the Lord with his life, but you and I both know that the Lord's ways are not my ways. Even though I trust Him completely, I am never sure how He will work all things out. For now, I sigh a huge sigh of relief because so far, this thing is working out in a way that I am comfortable with...

The only trouble is I only sigh as I exhale, because I again feel like holding my breath as I trust and wait for the total end result for my friend and her son.

Sometimes life is like this (OK, for me it can be more often than I would like to confess). I breathe out and and am totally thankful for the step the Lord just lead me through, only to inhale and hold my breath again for the next step... Am I the only one who struggles with this? I bet not.

The Word is so clear that we all are walking through a very imperfect life.
Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people.

Some times life has no rhyme or reason to it.

I have learned over and over that the times when life is the least clear are the times in life that I grow the most in my Christian walk.

Now, I did not say that these are the times I enjoy the most, but they definitely reveal exactly what I am made of and my utter dependency on the living God to get me through. It is in these "foggy hours" that I can see the reality of my truth: I actually am never in control.
When life is acceptable by my standards, I forget that I am not the master of my own universe and I might actually take credit for a "job well done". Ugh.

Life is backwards. When things are going great I can be the most blind. When all heck breaks loose and I cannot see where I am going or how I will take my next breath I can see the most clearly...

I need Jesus. I need His love, comfort, guidance, support, rebuke, teaching, leading, protection, friendship and anything else He extends to me. He is truly the God of all creation and is the One who walks through life with me. He never leaves me, never forsakes me. When I am too weak to walk (just like that old poem "footsteps" says)  He carries me.

I cannot always feel Him. I cannot always hear His voice. I cannot always see the evidence that He is there... But He is always there... So I breathe. One breath at a time.

Sometimes I am enjoying life so much that, like my heart beat, I give my breath not even a second thought.
Other times, I feel like I am gasping for breath and utterly lost with out medical assistance to breathe in and breathe out.

This morning I am aware of my need for air as I pray for my friend, her son, and her family. I breathe in and out thankful not only for my own breath, but for her son's breath as well...

June 16, 2010

I Understand What You are Going Through

I have heard this spoken to me and I have voiced this same idea to others... but is it true?

I have a friend who at this very moment sits and waits for her son to come out of surgery. He is having his 4th open heart surgery today. Without the surgery he will likely die, but this surgery is complicated and he might not make it through the procedure itself. Do I understand what she is going through? Yes and no.

I have sat in her chair and said goodbye to my own son as he let go of my hand to walk into an OR with a nurse... I have watched those door close and then melted into tears. I have stumbled back to family and friends who were sitting and waiting to comfort  me and wait... I have spent countless hours in prayer both before, during, and after surgeries- never quite sure how it will all work out. I have watched surgeons walk toward me and scanned their faces to try to decide before they speak if it will be good news or if their words will alter my life. I have sat by the bedside of my son while he winces in pain held together by staples and tape. I have heard the beep, beep, beep of the monitors ping for what feels like eternity.

Even though I have sat where she sits right now, I do not understand what she is going through. Her sons condition if far worse than my sons. She has sat in that chair more times than I, and each time not been sure if she would hold him again. No, I do not understand.

My mom sits in her chair 2,000 miles away from me, not sure if her condition will cause her to loose her ability to walk and take care of herself for the rest of her life. She sits in between specialist appointments, waiting with every tick of the clock whether the other shoe will fall and create an intolerable living condition. Do I understand what she's going through? Yes and no. I have had one "bad" mammogram in my life that left a gap between detecting and knowing that I was OK that was too hard to bear. I listened to the tick-tock of the clock as I imagined all the bad things that could happen, all the things I would miss if it was the "worst case". I have watched people walk right on by completely unaffected by my life's challenges... Whether I waited for my son to recover or waited for a diagnosis, they danced on by. Some would stop and sit a while, but eventually life goes on right...  I do not understand what my mom is going through, because her condition is far more rare than my questionable mammogram was. There are few doctors who can offer answers for her, and fewer still who would actually dare to help... No, I do Not understand.

Why do we say those words to others? Our lives are so different and our circumstances impossible to compare. What is easy for you to walk through may be a death blow to me.... SO why do we say it?

I think we say it in an attempt to ease our own inability to do anything about the trial. We can't fix it, so we try to relate to it. We compare the struggles of others to something that we ourselves were tormented through and even feel empowered to say, "I understand..."

The truth is we do not understand, but there is a truth that I hold onto.
This truth is what empowers me to pray and encourage others who are suffering...


When our son was in surgery for the 3rd time, a friend handed me a Bible verse written on the tear-off cardboard top of a tissue box. There in pen was 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Later when I looked up the verse I read
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

Do you see what I see? It doesn't matter necessarily that we understand one another's troubles per se. What matters is that we look for and hold on to the fact that God comforts us in trouble. After our own trial, when someone close to us is in trouble we can say, I may not understand exactly what you are going through, but I do know the Lord will walk you through your trouble the way He walked me through mine. If He cared enough to comfort me, He will certainly care enough to comfort you...

To my mom who waits, I would say the Lord is waiting with you. He has never let me down, so I am confident He will not let you down either. I may not understand or be able to help you in anyway; but He can.

To my friend who sits in the waiting room... The Lord loves your son more than anyone. He can be trusted with the trial of surgery and recovery better than anyone else. People may say they understand... They don't... But the Lord does... He understands the anguish of your heart and the faithful tears that flow as you await His will...

For me... I will be forever aware of the words "I understand". Truly I do not... Thank the Lord in heaven that I do Not need to understand, I simply need to trust and be available to comfort those who fall into ANY trial. It will be different from mine, But the Lord who lead me through will be the same Lord that leads them through...

June 15, 2010

"I'm Fine, How are you?"

When I ask you, "How are you today?" Do you feel yourself want to share "Oh, I am fine, How are you?"
Maybe your answer is "good", but rarely will someone tell me... "I am struggling with..."

How is it that I have become so self-absorbed in my own life, that those I care about do not feel that they can begin with the truth...

Instead of sharing that they are scared, overwhelmed, tired, frustrated, excited, happy, or thankful they smile and say, "Fine, how are you..."

This is not OK with me. I want more from my relationships. I want people to know that they can let their "hair down" and be real without fear of being judged by me. The opposite is true as well... I want to be truthful with those who may ask me the same question. If its true for me, its true for someone else:
There are only a few people in my life that when we ask each other how we are we jump right in.
The next sentence will begin with a laugh if we are great, or tears if we are not. We are raw and we feel safe.

Now, you and I both know that people are mean and unforgiving. They are judgemental and can be down right hurtful. How do I know, because I can be myself. I definitely have those people that I will always be "fine" with, and I am OK with that. My heart is not safe in their hands. What I am thinking about today are those people who are dear to me; My husband, my children, my family, and my true friends. I ask myself if I were to ask you out of the blue how you were today, would you dare to start right in the middle of the truth of this moment, or would you hold back and start with a "fine" and test the waters to see if your heart is safe with me... I pray that you would always start where you really are.

If you ask me how I am and I respond "fine" you'll know I am either hiding something or too distracted o have heard your question. Ask me again... I am never FINE. I believe you are never Fine.

I may be excited, elated, frustrated, confused, thankful, content, or even scared... but never FINE. Fine says, "Don't ask me about my life" where as the words in color say, "This is how I am, ask me why..."

So I ask you... How are you today?

June 14, 2010

Backstage and All Access Pass

If I ask simple questions of my favorite people and then sit silently with an interested expression on my face, simple yes no responses eventually turn into heart felt amazing conversations where they will let me into that secret place deep within their heart. You know that place where only those who have special "backstage passes" are allowed. Where dreams are alive, fears are challenged, hopes are expressed, and relationships flourish. Without this backstage pass, we get to visit our loved one from the crowded concert hall- only experiencing what they present professionally. Oh, the show can be fantastic and we may give standing ovations... but we have no idea what we have missed. I adore my people. I want more than to be their fan in the center row of their life's show. I want to share the bus rides, find the napkin so they can jot down the lyrics to the tune that popped into their head, share the joy of an amazing life tour. I want an all access pass to their life, hopes, and dreams.


Have you ever been to a concert that made a lifelong impression on you?
You spend the extra money to get center stage seats and even save up and splurge for the "backstage" pass.
As you watch the show  you are mesmerized. From where you sit you can touch the performers hands, see the expression on their face, feel the emotion of the songs they sing. The lights are blinding, the smoke magical, the experience priceless. As the band plays their last encore, your heart begins to pound... you know you are moments form going backstage. In a few moments you will be "hanging out" with the band.

My husband, children, family, and friends are rock stars to me.
At some point people chose who they perform for and who they live life with. People consciously (and sometimes unconsciously) chose to allow me to access backstage, or they smile and give me the best seats in the house. I do not know about you, but I would rather be backstage.
A back stage pass is good... but I want the "all access pass". I want to be part of the tour not just the show.

I want to stand and watch the show from the curtain at the side of "stage right".
I want to be the first to congratulate them on a job well done, or be the one they sit and cry with when  life's tour doesn't go as planned.
This all-access pass comes only by up front investment. My time. Listening. Caring. Encouraging.

Oh sure, I can chose to simply buy the ticket to the show. I'll enjoy the; graduations, engagements, weddings, holidays, anniversaries, birthdays and the like.
I will enjoy this show- but it will never be all it should be. When I am permitted to share in the behind the scenes, We enjoy the show together... That's what I want.

There aren't enough holidays, birthdays, children, weddings, and celebrations to share with those who I love and adore. Plus, if I can be honest, concerts and life are really loud and "in your face" and you only get to see what is staged. Nope, I'd rather spend the time to earn the privilege to be handed the all-access backstage pass... How about you?

June 10, 2010

Oh ye of Little Faith

Remember the story about Peter and Jesus?
You know, there was a storm raging and the disciples see Someone walking out to the boat.
They all think its a ghost at first, and then Peter thinks he recognizes the Lord.

"Lord if its You, command me to walk on the water to you..."

Jesus says, "Come."

Peter instantly jumps out of the boat and begins walking through the storm to meet the Lord.

I love this. I love that there is no hesitation on Peter's part to jump right in. Wet. Cold. Scary. No problem... "The Lord is over there," so that's where he wanted to be...

The only problem was that in the storm, Peter lost sight of Jesus.
The waves caught his attention and caused him to look away.

We know what happened next, Peter got scared and began to sink.
He cried out to Jesus to save him, and of course the Lord did.
The cool part is that after they were back on the boat Jesus calmed the storm completely.

I sometimes feel guilty that I can related to Peter so well.

I am more than willing to jump right in and follow after Jesus, no matter the circumstances, but at times I waiver in my faith that it was a good idea...
I mean really...
Who in their right mind jumps out of a boat into a raging sea?

I can find my self focusing more on the water and waves than on the One who is there with me in the midst of it all.

Funny as life keeps on keeping on I continue to jump out of the boat and run toward Jesus.
I still struggle at times and find myself sinking in the water because I looked at the storm instead of the Saviour.

Praise the Lord and thanks be to God that His Mercy never ends!

He never waivers. He walks me through everything, picks me up when I fall, lifts me when I sink, and gets me to the boat. Then He smiles at me, raises His hands and calms the storm...

"Oh yea. You are God. You are in control." I remember.

Like I said, sometime I feel guilty that I can relate to Peter.
That is until a friend shared, "At least Peter got out of the boat!"

(sigh)

At least I get out of the boat...

June 9, 2010

Sweet, Sweet Surrender

Sweet, Sweet Surrender (click to listen)
Words and music by John Denver

Lost and alone on some forgotten highway
Travelled by many remembered by few
Lookin' for something that I can believe in
Lookin' for something that I'd like to do with my life

There's nothin' behind me and nothin' that ties me
To somethin' that might have been true yesterday
Tomorrow is open and right now it seems to be more
Than enough to just be there today

And I don't know what the future is holdin' in store
I don't know where I'm goin', I'm not sure where I've been
There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me
My life is worth the livin', I don't need to see the end

Sweet, sweet surrender
Live, live without care
Like a fish in the water
Like a bird in the air






Interpretation by Bekki

When I look around at my life I feel alone.
It seems I am on a road heading no-where and there is not another soul to be seen.

Many people have gone down this same road, yet most do not remember it

As I travel I search desperately for something I can believe in
What the heck am I supposed to do with my life?
yesterday holds no power over me,
Tomorrow is wide open and the truth is
that nothing is more real than where I am right now.
I can only live for today.
I have no idea what the future holds in store for me
I have no idea where life will take me, heck, I am not even sure of where I have been before now...

I hold fast to the Lord who guides me by His spirit and light

I open my heart and my life...
Even though I have no idea where I will end up,
My life is worth living.
If God truly is leading me, I do not need to see the end...

So I pray I will surrender with confidence
and that the surrender will be sweet
I pray I will Live, live without care of where God leads me, trusting He will be with me always

I will go where I am lead...









June 8, 2010

Surrender

The theme on my heart this week is surrender...

I watched my Stephen surrender to the nurse yesterday to get his "big boy shots". Last week I watched my Micah get an IV and lay on a table and survive a 2 hour MRI exam (If you've never experienced that... WOW that machine is loud!).

I am struck by the difference between the two appointments. Of course the 4 year old struggled more than the 12 year old did... But they both had to choose to surrender. A few years back I had my oldest at a doctors appointment where he had to have an ingrown toenail worked on. He looked me square in the eye and said , "No. The doctor will NOT touch me."
Long story short, with the doctor in complete agreement The procedure was done. (Of course it took me and 4 nurses to hold him down, but it did get done).

I know the Lord knows whats best for me. He knows what things will mold me the quickest and with the least pain. The funny thing is that I have the ability to make the lessons harder then He ever intended to be.
Like that day I had to hold my son down for a "simple" procedure, I can make a mountain out of a mole hill... The Lord will still get HIS way. He knows what the end of the story is.

Don't get me wrong. No one likes to be in pain, especially me. I do not believe God wants us to hurt.
I think He looks at the things that cause us pain like I look at the shots my children must receive.
"I know this will hurt for a time, but in the end it will make you stronger..."

When my Micah has major surgery, it is excruciating as a mom to sit by his side. He is in too much pain, he goes down to basic body functions, all he can do is whimper. I hate these times... and yet... it has been in those times that I have seen the hand of God work miracles. Something unexplainable happens when your life is stripped to the bare bones. The unimportant things fade away and only the eternal things matter. It;s confusing to be in pain but to be thankful in the same moment...

Surrender. I wonder why this is what's on my heart this week. Like I have said before, I can be tempted to over think things, so I won't. Today I surrender once again. I pray that whenever I face pain, or sit with someone who does that I will not struggle against it. I pray I will surrender...

June 7, 2010

Hurray! I Get Shots Today!

Today was the big day...

The final kindergarten doctor appointment for my children.
Stephen was so excited. HE was going to be a big boy.

We talked through the whole thing in advance; the measuring, the sight test, the hearing test, the "peeing in a cup", an of course the shots.

"hooray! I get shots today!" He declared excitedly. He marched around the house and told all his brothers.
As we sat in the doctors office, he was still excited. He asked me if they hurt. I said, yes. They hurt like a sharp pinch. I said you can say, "Ouch!" if you need to. He said OK.

Well, as you may have guessed, he was not pleased with the reality of the shots. They hurt more than he was prepared for. He said ouch for the first and yet by the second he started to cry and didn't even try to be brave f or the last one.

After he was all done he said, "Mommy you said it would hurt a little bit, but they really hurt a lot!"

We are never quite prepared for pain and suffering are we?
We may even dance around and look pain right in the face, but the truth is pain hurts. It disarms us.
Stephen was thankful I was there to hug him through it. As mom, I knew the immunizations were for his good, and yet it is always hard for me not to cry along.

I think life dishes us "not-so-fun" moments. I may think I am  tough enough to handle whatever life throws my way, but the truth is pain levels me. It is especially effective when the pain is not mine, but my children's...
I am so thankful the Lord knows exactly how the current suffering works together for my good.

Shots hurt. Life can hurt. But God is always good...

June 4, 2010

First Light

I love the quiet of the morning.
My favorite thing to do is to go for a walk, somewhere where it feels like I am all alone. That place without traffic and the hum that goes along with it.
That place where the loudest sound is the song of the songbird..

You know that time time of day where the world is lit yet the suns rays are not yet seen? That's the time.
It's here that it happens.
My favorite moment...
The sun peeks out from where ever its been hiding.
The rays of light spread through the trees.
The light seems to hand pick where to highlight. It's like watching a Thomas Kincaid painting come to life.

It's here among the songbird's song and the silent rays of the morning light that I hear the Lord most clearly.

I am usually too tired when I start walking... so in quiet wonder my feet move forward one step at a time.
I yawn, I stretch, I listen.

This past weekend, I enjoyed three spectacular morning walks.

I think first light is a spectacular time of day. The world seems to lazily sleep through this magical time (As I do most days). But with out fail, every time I am ready to greet it, it greets me back.

I am so glad I didn't miss it this day!
Walking in the early morning light is  not the only place to experience "first light".

As I walk through today I will look for more:
That moment my little guy learns to read or tie his shoe, or master something challenging like whistling. You know that moment when their whole face lights up and they excitedly declare, "I did it!"
The light reflects off their eyes... I don't want to miss it.

Or when my husband of 20 years saunters into the room where I am busy doing something. He stops me, cups my face in his hands and  looks me straight in the eyes and whispers, "I love you...: and then walks away...

First light moments are everywhere...

June 2, 2010

First Cozy of the Day

After my amazing walk through the mist and exploring nature I slowly head back to my sleeping family.

My heart is swelling with love and I am at total rest. I have spent the last hour walking and listening to my Lord and I am overflowing with love.
I find a quiet place to sit with a hot cup of coffee and my notepad so I can capture the essence of what I have just experience, when out stumbles my little Stephen.
With sleepy eyes and that adorable face he snuggles next to me on the swing. He realizes he is a bit chilly so he darts off and is back in an instant with a large stuffed lamb to help keep him warm.
We snuggle and talk about how beautiful the day is already.
He speaks in quiet whispers and as we cozy I get countless hugs and kisses...
Again my heart is full.




My mind of course wanders and contemplates this moment.

You see within minutes of rising my Stephen turns into a tornado, ready to conquer life single handed-ly.
Except for these quiet moments in the morning where all there is to do but snuggle and whisper, he never stops his quest for domination.





Its in these quiet moments that I capture or miss his heart for the day.
If I stop and spend that time with him he is calmer and more at peace during the day.
He feels loved and listens more attentively to me during the hustle and bustle of his life.

I think these morning cozies are the most vitally important. They set Stephen and I up for a more peaceful and joyful day each time.

I think this is what the Lord looks for from me each morning. He is waiting patiently for me on the "swing" as I sleepily stumble into the new day. If its cold, He smiles while I wrap myself in the arms of the Lamb.
He snuggles my souls as He whispers to my hear how much He loves me. He knows that if He is able to snuggle me in the early light, that I will walk more confidently at noon.

I am thankful that He waits for me with open arms each day. He knows that soon enough I will be racing around trying to accomplish that never ending "to-do" list. He must feel so loved when I come to greet him each day, like I felt that moment in the sun on the swing with Stephen.

I look for the opportunities to sit quietly with Him. For me, they are in the early light of day... Where that first cozy awaits.

June 1, 2010

The Mist

So I head out the door quickly and quietly to walk the dog. We stroll down to the edge of the little lake that rests at the end of the street.
The water is gloriously still first thing in the morning. I can hear the geese hidden in the reeds, and although I do not see them this trip, I am confident there must be at least a few older ducklings.

What is most striking about this lake in the early morning is the mist that slowly rises off the face of the water.
It catches me off guard every time. If only I could capture it on film...

I often see and hear creation praising the creator. The Lord gave me a heart to feel and eyes to see and I do feel and see...
If I sleep too long I miss it, so I tend to jump out of bed when I am near this natural wonder.


I sat in awe once again at the rising mist. As I walk quietly through the morning air I pray and sing quiet songs of Praise and worship. In the mist I can see a picture of my own heart rising to the ear of the One who knows every hair on my head.

The mist comforts me and calms my soul...

Walking with God

I think of Enoch often. I love to walk with the Lord, Enoch loved to walk with God.
For me, there is something magical about an early morning walk with the Lord.
It's quiet. It's calm. I am not awake enough to be full of myself yet, so I am more apt to listen.

I spent the Memorial weekend celebrating our son's birthday near Yosemite.
My father in laws house sits nestled amongst trees and bushes so even though there are homes right next door, you do not see them.

We brought our dog Buck with us to visit and of course that means early morning walks.  There are no fences surrounding the property, so I take advantage of the "need for a walk" and sneak out while my family sleeps.

I learned a lot about myself and the Lord this past weekend. I know I've learned these lessons before, but they were sweeter to me this trip.
I am confident that these are the thought I will share with you this week.

I did not have the ability to write and post out here, but I have quite a few thoughts I wrote down the "old fashioned way..."

Come walk with me...

May 28, 2010

Interession

I looked into the eyes of a friend and saw that she had carried some of the weight intended to "break me".

Prayer is a funny thing.
When we pray for others I think we do not realize that we actually take on some of their burden ourselves.
I firmly believe that prayer for others makes a huge difference.
I have been on both sides: the one praying and the one being prayed for.
When the walls of my life seems to be moving in to crush me, the prayers of others will actually move the walls back; sometimes even remove them.

It is a sacrifice to pray for others this way. You actually may physically feel "uncomfortable" in someway.
When my one of my dearest friends lost a young nephew I prayed... a lot. I could feel the crushing weight on my own heart as I prayed for hers.
When I looked into the eyes of a friend just the other day, I could see she had carried some of the weight I feel about the medical uncertainty that faces my son. She actually removed some of my weight and put it on herself...

Do we knowingly do this? I don;t think so. I think its just one of the ways the Lord knits heart together...
As we pray for one another we support each other in ways we cannot see.

It is written that the Lord does not give us more burden than we can bear.
The truth is that when the weight becomes to heavy a burden he sends someone along to bear the weight with and for us.

Jesus Himself had this happen to Him. He was collapsing under the weight of the wooden cross He was carrying and He fell. Someone was right there to be "required" to carry it for Him.

I am thankful that there is always someone there when the cross gets too heavy.
The more profound truth is that the Lord Himself is praying for us. Even if there is not a physical person there to share the burden, He will be there.

I am thankful for the friends who walk by us through our challenges with Micah.

Through their prayers our burden is spread out and made lighter...
I walk with my head held high most days because someone else was on their knees for me and my family.

May 27, 2010

Resonating Sound

Have you ever had that moment when listening to a beautiful song where you are captivated by the music?
You know that moment that moves very quickly; first you hear the note, then you feel it resonate through your body, and finally it captivates you completely?

This is what blogging is becoming for me...

It seems as I write each day the Lord speaks some truth to my own soul...
I take the  moment to write it down, and as I do this "random thought" begins to resonate with me.
I always believe in what I am writing, but what seems to keep happening is that as I have a "writable thought" it is quickly transformed into my reality for the day... Then much to my surprise, my own scribblings captivate my life even comfort me...

I am in a strange and wonderful and confusing place.
It is tempting to try to judge my thought as I work to capture it on paper.
It continues to baffle me that I am encouraged and strengthen by my own pen.

How can I possibly know in the morning what I will face in the afternoon?
The truth is, I cannot possibly know... and yet I find it continuing to happen.
My thought for the moment is quickly lived out in my life.
In my weakness and confusion of the afternoons, I am encouraged by my own thoughts from the morning.

The Lord whispered to my heart a couple weeks back.
I was tempted to write these blogs specifically for particular people.
It was an almost audible whisper...
He told me that, "No. You write for yourself and to Me."

Its almost indescribable to be in my world.
How cool is it that My God uses my own hand to write out a thought that will encourage or challenge me later?

If I think too much about this I will second guess this post, and yet I am amazed by how many times this has happened...
I have to truly say thank you Lord... I know its You who ministers to my soul with resonating sound that captivates my attention...

May 25, 2010

Wrestling the Giant

I was so excited to be able to climb the mountain this past Saturday.
I climbed with a 4, 6, 8, and 11 year old.
It was amazing to me that the 6 and 11 year old ran up the mountain,
while the 4 and 8 year old whined and complained the entire way to the top.

Life is like this.
Sometimes we climb up life at a fast steady pace,
sometimes we whine and complain the whole way.
Sometimes we are climbing fine ourselves, but we are surrounded by whiners.

The funny thing?
We are all climbing  a mountain.
We choose to laugh or whine each day don't we?
Sometimes life is so hard all we can feel  and see is the difficulty and strain of what is before us.
Other times, we simply sing and climb and enjoy the view.

We all wrestle giants, we all climb mountains, we all get tired, we all get cold...
I pray that today as I look to where I am being led that I laugh and sing and enjoy the journey.
Sometimes its easier said than done, don't you think?

 You know, when I reached the top of the mountain with my children, we were all cold and tired.
The humbling part of climbing and summiting a mountain is that there are books and books of signatures of people who have made the same climb before us.
Sometimes it seems like we are alone, that no one else understands how hard the climb is...

My message to myself is to remember, I am not alone. The Lord walks life with me.
Others have gone on the trails I have been called to walk...

We all have at least one mountain to climb.
Today, I purpose to enjoy the journey...

May 24, 2010

Flat Tire!

I have to laugh at myself... A lot!
I actually spend Many days believing that I am control,
that I get to choose where I go and what I do. Ha!
Then I march outside with my list if "must do's" and see my car...

Yes, a flat tire.

You know, it doesn't matter whether my list is typed in bold or written in crayon...
Every Important thing becomes second priority to having the flat repaired.

Life. How many times have I made my list and checked it twice only to have life dish me a flat?
Many...
I guess the real lesson is to realize that that verse about
"man makes plans but the Lord directs his steps," is true.

The Lord has a different list for me today...

My job is to surrender to it...

May 20, 2010

Pretty Weeds


My children picked me the prettiest bouquet of weeds the other day.
Forget long stem roses or stunning tulips,
I do not think I would ever prefer them over these yellow little weeds.
Each one was hand picked by a child who was rushing to be able to bless me.
I watched them run from plant to plant, hoping for the best few blossoms.
I love my display.

I heard a story of a little girl who picked dandelions just like these for her mother.
Her little brother said, "Why did you pick those, they are just weeds..."
She smiled, "To you they may be weeds, but to me they are flowers..."

When you look at these, what do you see?

I see flowers...
I see love...



May 19, 2010

You are not alone

So, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed this morning.
I cried out to the Lord,
"Is there a way I can talk to someone about all this?"

Then I heard the words to a song in my head...
"I will praise You in this storm Storm... I will lift my hands,
You are who You are
 no matter where I stand..."

I sighed and I continued my prayer.
I basically said I would trust the Lord whether I never talked to another soul what was going on... Who possible had time for this all today anyway?

He must have smiled on me as I was struggling...
He knew He was going to connect me with a woman who is on a very similar life path as I find myself on. Oh the details are different, but the reality and weight are the same.

We spoke for over an hour... sharing details, struggles and encouragement back and forth.
I could feel the stress being released from my heart...
We are never alone.

God is so amazingly faithful!
He is truly all we need and yet He loves us enough to touch our lives in ways we can see or feel.

I felt like Luke in the trash compactor this moring...
The walls were closing in as I was trapped in the filthy trash.
I grabbed my communicator and cried out to R2D2 in desperation to turn it off...
Just when I was sure I was about to die-
The walls stop, the liquid drained and I am released from my temporary death trap.

As of this morning in no particular order:
a child is facing a medical ordeal
another child seems to be carrying the weight of the world
a loved one fears loss of employment
a loved one is home in pain caused by a massive cyst with in their spinal column
a loved one is committed to a mental facility
and I still have kids to teach and laundry to complete...

I was driving home and I felt myself lift my hands and say "I trust You Lord"...
No matter what the storm... I trust You.

I parked my car and saw my favorite songbird. I sat for a few minutes listening to it sing...
"It's all good" I tell myself.
"All things work together for the good" I remind myself.
"Peace that passes understanding"... I thank Him that I do not need to understand...

The phone rang unexpectedly and an hour and some odd minutes later I feel renewed and ready to march on.

Now I am behind schedule. lol.
Laundry is waiting, kids are hungry, appointments are pending...
Yet my heart is quieted.
Thank you Lord for meeting me...
You knew just what I needed today and You did not hold back.

May 18, 2010

Peek through the Fence

I live in my kitchen and dining room.
I home school 4 of my boys at my kitchen table, often in jammies.
I cook and clean and even iron all my husbands clothes for work.
I am and have always been the girl with 1-3 friends, never the socialite.
My life is neat and tidy.
I live a life that is hedged in with the Lord Himself watching over me.
I am protected.
Safe.

Those who know me well know I think in pictures.
I am breaking out of my neat life by diving into this adventure of writing.
I am peeking out from the fence that protects me and hoping that as I do the world welcomes me.
I love the fence. Don't get me wrong. I have no intention of cutting it down, or to even leave its boundary.
I am simply poking through... looking around...
Do you see me?

We all have fences that surround us.
Our family, our job, our ministry.
The fence defines our life:
Who we are, who our lives touch.

My fence keeps me focused on my Lord, my husband, and my children.
The breaks in the boards remind me that there is a world beyond my borders.
I can see it clearly if I look closely.
The gate is there to remind me that people will come and go.
A "stranger" will knock, a friend will simply enter.

So here I am today...
poking through.
The majority of my life is behind the boards... loving and serving my family.
I am blessed and content.
I am growing where I am planted and my life flourishes.
What pokes out is an extension of my heart alone.




May 17, 2010

Looking for Miracles


Ladybug on the Mountain

So I was praying once again this past week... "Lord do you really want me to keep this writing business up?"

Does God speak to me? Yes.
For me, I hear His voice in many different ways but one of the the loudest, clearest is through looking, really looking at nature.

I read a quote on Saturday that said, "Those who look for small miracles find them." That's me.

I must drive people crazy, because everywhere I look I see Jesus.

I see flowers and butterflies.

I hear the song of the songbird and eagerly search him out.
It's no surprise to me that there is once again something incredible to share.

My family and I took our first hike toward our goal of summiting Tehachapi Mountain this weekend. It was so much fun! We were huffing and puffing (OK, the kids were running and laughing: I was huffing and puffing) and enjoying the view. This mountain is less than 10 minutes away and a relatively easy mountain climb.
By easy I mean if one slips, they are not likely to "Plummet to certain death." (As my 6 year old would say).
Phew.

Anyway, we were stopped at one of those, "let the older folks catch their breath spots" and I looked down. There in the dust and dirt was a little ladybug.
I loved it so much I took a picture to share with you.
Do you see the miracle?

Here on the mountain, where people stop and gasp for breath (By people I mean me) is a pretty little bug lallygagging around.

Not rushing.

Not panicking.

Just lallygagging.

There was nothing for this little bug to eat, and yet it was not frantic.
When I got close, it didn't run. When I almost stepped on it it didn't fly away.

I want to be like that little lady bug. Don't you?
Look around. People all around you and I are stopping and gasping for breath.
They are not sure how they can take another step.
When they look up from that place of anguish they will see us...

I want to be so at rest, so at peace that people stop and look at my life with amazement.
I want people to actually see God' light in me.

With all humility and honesty I admit that my life is not an easy life.
From the outside looking in it appears that I eat bon-bons all day and dance and sing with my children from "son up to son down".

Honestly, I should appear all out of breath and near death. Raising 5 boys is a daily battle.
I think the reason I am sane is because of the ladybug.
I see her and I remember: slow down. Breathe. Look for the Lord in the moment.

Life happens to all of us, but how we live life is a choice only we can make.
We share our lives with ladybugs: some real, some metaphorical... Yet they are there.

It's not Deja vu, I've said it before. "I want to live my life on purpose."
Today, I chose to not only see the ladybug, but to learn her from her as well....

May 16, 2010

A Word for today

Psalm 16:2

"I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing."

Help me remember this Lord



 

May 15, 2010

Clouds

There is an worship song that rejoices, "As the mountains are around Jerusalem,
The Lord is all around His people..."
I love that song.

We live in the mountains now.
Our home is at 4,000 ft.
When I look out my back windows I see mountains all around me. It is amazing.
I often stand and stare in dumbfounded amazement at the clouds blowing in between me and those mountains. The speed with which those giants can become hidden. impressive.






The funny thing is that no matter how thick the clouds becomes, nothing will move those mountains.
They are there today and will be there tomorrow...

The Lord is the same way. He stands near me and by me at all times.
When the skies are clear, I never doubt His presence.

I have had those moments where I am looking the Lord straight in the eyes and I feel
His strength and assurance that He is with me always...
             And then I see the cloud blowing in... 
                                            Life throws a curve ball that for the moment makes it impossible to see Him. "He is still there" I tell myself over and over. I remember... He said He would never leave me ...

I am surprised and even frustrated that I would ever doubt? I look at the cloud again. I strain to see Him.

The wind comes and blows away the cover and reveals the obvious truth. He never left. He wasn't even budged. He's right where He said He'd would be- Surrounding me.

I know I have struggled in long seasons of life where I can only see the clouds.
At the time it felt as though it was a dream where I could see Him so clearly...

I want to encourage you and I together today... He is still there...
No matter how thick the clouds... He is there.
When the sky clears, He'll be there still.

When I was first married, I had a 1 hour commute to the toy store where I worked.
We lived in Washington. It was a beautiful drive.

I had an experience with mountains and clouds back then that has remained with me,
forever etched into my heart.
God showed me one morning that even though I didn't know He was there, He was still in fact there...

I had driven this way for 3 weeks steady. I commuted between our town of Bremerton to my job in Tacoma. Both of these towns are at sea level. I say this because you can imagine my surprise when I drove to work on the first clear day. (Remember I said we lived in Washington? It has been overcast and rainy the first 3 weeks of my new job.
So here it was. A glorious day, the sky was crystal clear... and there it was.
There before me in full glory was Mt. Rainier! How could I have not known it was there?
Mt.Rainier is over 14, 000ft. tall.
Majestic would be the starting point of trying to describe it. But words fail me to paint it for you here.
 I had to lean completely over my steering wheel to see the peak!
I drove to work and remained speechless...
Clouds are amazing.
They are simply made of tiny water droplets and vapor and yet they were able to crowd out my knowledge of this beast of a mountain.

Life struggles are the same. It's amazing how little it takes to obscure my focus or blind me completely from the living God. If I look at the struggles for too long, I might even begin to doubt that He is there...

He is there... Oh, He is there!

May 12, 2010

Geek or Nerd?

So I over heard two of my boys, laughing and saying, "you are a geek, I am a nerd!"

Micah (11) proceeded to explain to Isaac (9) that a geek loves technology and is almost obsessed by it, where as a nerd is just different and weird, but doesn't really care that they are.

I was a little taken a-back by their conversation, but it intrigued me none the less.

Yes, Isaac is a geek by that definition. He LOVES taking things apart and seeing hoe they work.
For instance, we are learning about pulleys in science.
He had free time yesterday, so he thought it would be great fun to build a crane out of an erector set.
As he was building he discovered how to use a pulley to make it work better and is now in the process of trying to build an elevator... Yes, he's a geek.

Micah confessed, (with a HUGE grin and goofy laugh), that he is absolutely a nerd.
He loves being different and is unashamed.

It's not something you grow up hoping your children will be, but then I myself am a nerd...
I said he could borrow my theme song:

I began to sing it for him, "I'm not cool, that's OK. My God loves me anyway..."

He looked at me funny. He laughed.
I informed him the best of us have motto's... I informed him he could borrow mine, but that he should have a motto's.
He and then said , "My motto is to never judge a person by their appearance, but by their heart."

Most of you know me and know my family.
If you know my family, you KNOW Micah.
You know Micah has a heart of gold.
He is also blessed to have a benign tumor near his right eye that alters his face enough that almost everyday people ask him, "what happened to your eye there kiddo?"

Micah is full of life, compassion, mercy, and grace. He loves people and loves to make people laugh. Ironically, He is most comfortable in front of a crowd and is thrilled if he gets to perform in some way.
It never ceases to amaze me how gracefully he handles his "uniqueness".

For now, I am left with my heart in my lap. I am the nerdy blessed wife of a geek.
I have 5 children: 2 geeks, 2 nerds, and one daredevil.


I am NOT cool, and that's OK... my God loves me anyway...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSVpkPk883Q

May 11, 2010

A Cup of Coffee

Well, I am well into this journey of daily blogging.
I am taking pictures, enjoying life, capturing some of my thoughts, sharing them with others.

I have second guessed myself a gazillion times already. "Who really cares?"
Why should anyone take a moment to share a moment with me...

The truth is that I am going to keep writing whether I ever am blessed to hear that someone else likes what I share. But I have to thank the Lord publicly this morning for giving me a tear filled gift.

My mom sent me a note this morning that told me that she makes her cup of coffee and sits down each day to see what I've written. She said its like I am sitting right there visiting with her.

I had to put the email away quickly because my eyes filled with tears of joy.
My mom is about 2000 miles away from me and it has been nearly 4 years since I sat at her table.
How cool is it that by following my heart and doing what I love it brings me closer to her?

She's not the only one who has commented either... Just when I doubt whether I should continue, I get a quick "keep blogging email" from someone...

Thank you Lord! I do not deserve the outpouring of love You have given me...