Building Permits for Marriage

"A wise woman builds her house..." Proverbs14:1

If I were going to buy a plot of land and build a new home, one of the first things I would need to do is obtain  a building permit. That's right. Owning the land is not enough to legally build my dream home, I would need to get permission to build the kind of home I desire.

Now, I have never built a home. Quite honestly the process scares me to death because of my lack of conviction in the decision making arena. I hate shopping and do not have a unique and creative eye for decorating, therefore the thought of all those choices makes me want to run away quickly.

I hear I am not alone in this.
Obtaining permits can be not only the least enjoyable stage of building, but also one of the more frustrating. My web dictionary says that this permit is a document that authorizes the holder to construct a building of a particular kind on a particular lot. Yuck. Who wants to ask permission and get authorization?

Permits take time and money. The problem is that if you cut this corner, in the end you can be up for some pretty big heartaches and fines.

I just love this spiritual parallel...

In America, the majority of people skip over this phase in building a home. We are bombarded with the messages that we are in control of our own destinies and that we do not need to ask permission to do anything.

Seek permission to get married? Are you kidding?

This is about as anti-American-culture as you can get.

Now, before I go any deeper let me say that I am writing this to women who are either are or not married. This message is more of a self note to myself, and I welcome other women to come along with me. I am assuming that you want to be that "wise woman who builds her house, not the fool who tears it down" Me too.

I think the reason most unmarried gals skip this step is fear. They do not want to be alone, and so they are quick to settle for one of the first men who shows interest in them. They are afraid to ask God, "Is this the man You have chosen for me?" The enemy of your soul loves fear. He can corner you into making unwise choices when you are staring at fear.

The way to navigate this stage of building your home is wrapped into one word: Ask.

Did you know the Bible speaks of Asking over 200 times? 200! A quick search of scripture reveals that God wants you to ask. He's waiting for you to ask.

Ask What? Well I guess it depends on where you are today. Are you married yet or not?

Before you marry:

• Am I ready to marry?
• Am I content in my current state? (You will not become content through marriage. Fact.)
• Am I the kind of woman ready to complete my future groom, or am I seeking a groom to complete me?
• Lord, is he the one? (Because it would be eternally better to be alone rather than to pick someone for myself instead of waiting for You)

There are countless questions you could and should ask, these are just a few

But what if you are already married? Ah, like me you have an endless supply of things that you can ask the Lord about. This is a good thing. You can be assured that He is waiting to hear from you and answer you.

After Marriage:

• Am I a godly wife?
• Do I seek God with all my heart?
• Am I a wise woman who builds, or a fool who destroys?
• Is there any wickedness in my heart? (There always is...)
• Do I have my priorities straight? (God, husband, children, ministry)

Again, there are thousands of things to ask. God wants us to rely on Him alone. He cares about the minute details of our lives and actually knows the best for us. We need to ask Him to show us.

I have picked out a few verses for you on asking. There are so many more. I would encourage you to do your own study and see God's heart for yourself.

Side Note:
If you made it this far, but you do not know with all certainty that there is a God and He loves you so much that He died to save you, I would say either you are searching for truth or really bored. I pray you are on the search for truth.
If you do not know Jesus Christ died for your sins and rose again to save you, there is only one question He wants you to ask today...

Jesus, Will you come into my life and take over? 
Sure, there are other ways to ask, just ask.

Is God real? Does He love you? Did He really come to this earth to die for your sins? If you believe in Him will you be saved from hell? Will your life be different if you let God in?

I challenge you to ask Him...

Now. Grab your Bible and a notebook and pencil. Here are just a few verses about "asking" God. Whether you are a single woman waiting for your future groom, or a married woman its time to revisit this part of your life. Do you walk through your day without paying to attention to the Lord, or do you include Him in all parts of your life.

A wise woman build her house... She asks guidance and assistance and yes permission from the Lord for everything she does.

Isaiah 7:11
Matthew 21:22
Luke 11:9
John 11:22
John 14:14
John 16:23
Ephesians 3:20
James 1:5-6
Matthew 7:7-8

Chief Carpenter or Head of the Destruction Crew?

Proverbs 14
 "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands."

That's as far as I got this morning. For me that's far enough. I am afraid I've been that foolish woman lately. Not intentionally of course, but foolish no less.

Let me explain.
It takes time to build a house and even to "keep" it. It's actually a daily process filled with many different stages from demolition, foundation building, obtaining permits, inspections, framing, roofing and finishing, decorating, and then maintaining.
If you want a solid house, you need to give each phase of building its proper attention.

As a wise woman (not smart aleck) I should be attending to my home. I need to know not only what phase I am in, but I need to be seeking my daily direction from the Guy in charge so I can do my part in transitioning my family into the next phase smoothly. I need to remind myself daily (well, minute by minute actually) that I am not the Chief carpenter of my life; Jesus is. If I try to run the show I unknowingly fire up the wrecking ball or surround my home with the red tape that can cause delays in building. I am going to dive into this verse for a while. I invite you to join me as I look at all the ways I can build or tear down my marriage, my children, my family, my home.  

Today's point: Where Am I Right Now?

 I awoke from a spiritual dullness to find my physical life mirroring the condition of my heart. My house is tidy, but not clean. Too many things are covered in dust and there are a few pockets of clutter waiting for my attention. My husband is constantly having to search for a clean pair of socks even though most of the laundry in our home is done consistently, my kids are beautiful but in need of varying levels of my attention. I am more likely to be found sporting lounge clothes and a ponytail than a "put-together outfit" unless I am going to school or church. In other words, my life looks pretty good from the outside.

My house is neat and my family eats home cooked meals. But I have missed the mark.

The stage of building I am in is in the maintaining, remodelling, and fine tuning of my home. Years ago, My husband found me a friend who was willing to come into my house and help me organize and declutter. It was amazing. She not only was great at it, but she delighted in the process. We went through every drawer, every space, even every piece of paper and organized, categorized, and binned my home into those Sterilite bins you can get at Target. It was wonderful.

For a few years after I would send her a thank you note after I dusted my home. Don't laugh. Before she helped me I could never dust my home, it was too dirty and cluttered. Even if I purposed to clean I never could get that far in one day. It was amazing to me that after a few weeks of really hard work that I had time to dust. Fast forward to today.

My home is still relatively organized, but pockets of clutter have crept in. I have a few stacks of homeschooling stuff that do not have their own homes, I have a few growing junk drawers, I have an cabinet with doors that is a wonderful hiding place for messy papers, my closet needs to be reorganized, etc... Not bad you say? I know I was blessed to have an organizing friend come through and truth is with a few days of consecrated effort I can get my home put back in order, but that's not the real issue...  

Spiritually my life mirrors my physical life.

There was that season in my life where the Lord swept into my heart and took me through the organizing process. I had years of wrong thinking to clean up, old broken thoughts to dump at the cross, attitudes that needed adjusting, areas of my life that needed to be torn down and rebuilt. It was hard work, but my eyes were fixed on the Carpenters and I surrendered and yielded and let Him have His way in my life. I was so thankful for the work He did in my heart that I spent time with Him more than daily.

I sought Him in the morning, journaled, prayed, was overwhelmed with thanksgiving. He walked with me through my new home each day and showed me what needed dusting and rearranging and then, like a good friend, would help me do the work. Time went by and my life got busy. My husband and I had 3 more children to bring the munchkin count up to 5 and I began homeschooling. I began blogging and writing out of a bubbling over heart. I was so thankful and blessed that I could not help pass it on and share with anyone who would listen.

Then it happened. People started to notice that I had it together.
Ha. Did you read that? ...that I had it together?

I began to get too busy to seek Him with the same heart of thankfulness, because I was too tired and busy to get it all done each day. I had new babies and kids to school. I had meals to prepare and a world to speak to through writing. I began sleeping in more and spending time with Him less.

My tidy heart began to get cluttered. Oh, not like before, but just enough. I didn't have time for the Word, but I had time to plan school, cook, write and watch TV. The clutter came in the form of my own thoughts, ambitions, ideas rather than the Lords. My mind was spinning with its own plans and paths and I would rarely stop and check in with the Lord of my life. When I would stop, it was only for a second and quite honestly not long enough to really hear what He was saying.

My heart has become cluttered and dusty. Now, you may not think dust is a big deal, but it certainly can be. It collects quickly. People can come by and write their own messages in it (like my kids who are quick to draw happy faces on my bookcases). Over time it can collect things that cause odor and even sickness.

I do not want this to be so. I am so glad the Lord met me and pointed out where to begin cleaning. It's here int eh quiet of the morning that I find Him sitting patiently for me. He's been waiting with a dust cloth in His hand ready to help clean up what I have neglected.

I do not know if this makes sense to anyone but me, but that's OK too. I need to take notes and write in order for my brain to make sense of things.

• What building stage are you in?
• Is your home thriving or faltering?
• Have you talked to the Chief Carpenter lately and asked for direction or are you hanging out with the demolition crew?

Are You Lost or Found?

I know the obvious application is do you know Jesus or don't you, right?
My prayer is that you are eternally saved because you believe Jesus died for your sins.

I have a question for you today.
Are you lost or found in your walk with Christ?

As a Christian, I can be either in my relationship with my God. If I become too focused on myself or my life's circumstances I can look up and find I've lost sight of the Lord. I feel lost, sometimes desperately so.

Other times I awaken to a new day where His presence surrounds me and my life is focused on Him. The sweetness of being found daily by Jesus is indescribable.

The funny thing is that I choose whether I am lost or found each moment of every day. God never changes. He promises to never leave or forsake me. That can only mean that if I feel lost its because I have wandered away from His side.

Today I rejoice that I am found in Him: seeking His sweet face, listening for His tender voice, searching for Hus truths.

Today I choose to be found.

How about you? Are you lost or found?

God's Tape Measure

My grandpa was a carpenter. He could skillfully turn a plain piece of wood into a beautiful table or grandfather clock. It was mesmerizing to watch him work when I was little girl. Grandpa, like most carpenters lives by the golden rule of carpentry: Measure twice, cut once.

Wisdom would agree that this is the only way to approach a woodworking project, but what about a spiritual one?

God himself is a Master Carpenter. He is wise and wonderful. He looks at me as an unfinished project and I believe He enjoys the process of transforming me into His image. I am so very thankful that He is careful.

Using the Tape Measure of His Word He examines my life and determines where and what to cut away.

I believe He is more careful than Santa, checking twice before cutting.

As a hunk of wood, I yield my life to His hands. Though this process is not always easy for me, I trust in His finished work.

Currently, the Lord is cutting away at my pride.
When I have the fleeting thought, "I do not struggle with that"...
He is quick to show me that I am guilty and then he measures twice and cuts.
It is for my good.

How about you? Where you see the Lord using His Measuring Tape in your life?

Sense of Smell

I was out on a morning walk with 4 of my boys the other day. The two youngest were on bikes and the two older boys were content either jogging the paved trail or walking with me. I had bumped into an elderly friend, Flo, and we were walking and chatting.

At one point on the trail, my youngest came riding up to me while making a funny face. "Mommy, I found you with my sense of smell!"


Of course I laugh and then I was almost offended. Thank goodness for Flo and her wisdom. She quipped, "Nothing smells sweeter than the love of a mother!"


I was so blessed by her comment and as I have chewed on it for a few days I have been challenged and convicted.

The Lord wants me to be totally surrendered to Him and to spend time in prayer and worship daily. When I do, it's a sweet smelling aroma to God Himself.

So too with my family. When I spend time with Jesus, my life smells sweet; my family is drawn to me.

Today, I would ask you how does your life smell? Are others attracted to the sweetness that can only come from time spent with Jesus?